I enjoyed simplifying the Marie Kondo book the other day and thought I’d have a go at doing the same thing with cult classic, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ by John Grey. (after I found it in a drawer whilst having a clean out. Lol)
The American, who published his book in 1992, believed that, ‘So many people are frustrated in their relationships. They love their partners, but when there is tension they do not know what to do to make things better.’ In his book he says that, men and women are ‘completely different’ and can ‘almost seem to be from different planets. He admits he makes generalisations and suggests the relationship could be ‘role reversed’ or that if you don’t relate to it then, ignore it or ‘look deeper inside yourself.’
Over the years, I have found it really interesting and lots of my friends and family, including my husband and a teaching colleague (a Head of Science, who I passed it to in a brown paper bag at school!) have read/borrowed it and found it helpful.
1) With problems men want to ‘fix-it’ and find solutions whereas women want to be listened to/have some empathy. This is because a man’s sense of self is gained through achieving results and a woman’s through understanding.
2) Women try to ‘improve’ men but they don’t like this as it presumes that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
3) Men rarely talk about their problems unless they need expert advice. This is opposite to women who value supporting, helping and nurturing one another. Women experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.
4) So..women should give up giving advice and men should learn to listen.
5) Never say to a women, ‘You shouldn’t feel that way.’ Never say to a man, ‘There’s a parking space over there.’ (guilty)
6) Men go to their caves: women talk. When men are stressed, they don’t want to talk about it. They go into their ‘cave’ to solve the problem on their own. When a women is stressed, they want to talk as the talking is the ‘solution’
7) So, what happens if you’re both stressed? If a man is in his cave – don’t wait outside for him to come out. Read a book, go for a walk, write in a journal. If a woman wants to talk and a man is in his cave – talk to friends/family.
8) Men are like rubber bands and women are like waves. Men need to pull away to fulfil a need for independence. ‘When he has fully stretched away, then instantly he will come springing back.’ Don’t take it personally, he needs to go to a football match, out with his mates etc. Don’t try and have a conversation with a man if he is at the ‘pulling away’ stage. Women’s moods are more like waves as she has ‘highs and lows’ Men shouldn’t try to fix it. Men are often confused when women are in the ‘well’ but this is when she needs his love the most.
9) Men and women need different kinds of love. He needs: Trust, acceptance, admiration and she needs: understanding, respect, reassurance.
10) The best way to fulfil a man, is to let go of trying to change him in any way. The best way to fulfil a woman is to communicate and learn to listen without getting angry.
P.s. this has nothing to do with Placeswithed..we just haven’t been out much this Easter so far…!